Confucian attitudes not always enlightening
Reporting on a recent case of domestic violence in northern Vinh Phuc Province, Viet Nam News asked its readers last week whether they thought Confucianist principles governing a woman subservient role in a family were the cause of abuse between husbands and wives in Viet Nam - and women should protect themselves. Here are some of the replies:
Jasmine Maderazo, Filipino, the Philippines
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Next week:
The HCM City Traffic Police recently introduced a new rule that requires on duty staff to carry no more than VND100,000 (around US$5) on them.
When officers need more money, it will have to be kept in a sealed envelope signed by a supervisor.
Those who fail to abide by the law will be dismissed.
The new measure is hoped to discourage traffic police from taking bribes when dealing with violations and is among a number of anti-corruption moves that have been put in place to improve civil service operations.
While some are optimistic, many believe the rule still has too many loop holes.
What do you think about this measure?
What will ensure its success?
Do you think the measure should be rolled out across the country?
Which other measures do you think could help prevent corruption?
We welcome your opinions. Emails should be sent to: opinion.vietnamnews@gmail.com – or by fax to (84-4) 3 933 2311. Letters can be sent to The Editor, Viet Nam News, 11 Tran Hung Dao Street, Ha Noi. Replies to this week’s question must be received by Thursday morning, December 15.
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Since my country, the Philippines, is the only predominantly Christian nation in Asia apart from East Timor, Filipinos do not adhere to Confucianism. We believe that men and women are equal in education, careers, politics, and even in marriage.
Unlike other Asian countries, the Philippines is a matriarchal society. Men who quarrel with women are labelled “gays” by the community because most of us believe that a guy is not a true man if he disrespects a woman. When a man is caught abusing a woman, people will angrily ask him, “Why did you do that? Don’t you have a mother, a daughter, sister, or even a female cousin?!”
Sadly, however, violence against women also exists in the Philippines. In impoverished families, husbands encourage, or sometimes force, their wives to work for the family. Physical and emotional abuse, marital rape, and other threats against women’s personal safety and security are becoming rampant.
Surprisingly, domestic violence exists not only among the poor, but also in affluent homes - particularly where a wife is more successful than her husband. In this setting, some men feel inferior and develop insecurities, resorting to aggressive behaviour to demonstrate machismo.
Psychologically speaking, machismo is a display of male superiority, ranging from a personal sense of virility to more extreme displays of masculinity. In many Asian cultures, machismo is acceptable and even expected. Wives usually keep marital horrors to themselves, never seeking help from outside parties just to “protect” the marriage.
Their decision to endure the trauma of an unhealthy relationship is not influenced by any Confucian traditions as in Viet Nam. Filipino women choose to keep mum about their sufferings because of their emotional and economic dependence on men, and the fear of shame and stigma of a broken home.
In the case of Vietnamese women, the Confucian view of a “virtuous” woman appears to be partly the reason why wives choose to stay in a traumatic relationship. Another cause may be the wives’ need for affection and finance from their husbands.
As a woman from a country where equality of rights among genders is paramount, I believe that the empowerment of women and full support from the Government can help stop domestic violence in Viet Nam. Wives need to be educated so they know when “enough is enough”. They need to understand that not all marriages are like fairy tales with happy endings.
Furthermore, women must learn to become financially independent. Feelings of helplessness among married women are likely to stem from not having jobs to sustain them and their children independently.
On a lighter note, I am glad to know that Viet Nam is gradually transforming into a state where awareness in society is increasing. Domestic violence in Viet Nam can be prevented when citizens, especially young women, understand that such abuses should never be tolerated.
Patrick Moran, British, HCM City
Confucianism taught to young girls in Viet Nam outlines the seniority of father, husband and sons. Confucius taught many wise things, but this isn’t one of them even though it has been around for 2,500 year.
Most people in my country have never heard of Confucius, this is why marriages between Europeans and Vietnamese can work well. We have more respect for women than Vietnamese men and Vietnamese women have more respect for men than European women!
My wife is a Vietnamese catholic and I am an agnostic. I am dubious about some miracles and the Son of God but accept that Jesus didn’t like the decadent rich or bankers and was preoccupied with the disadvantaged, the exploited, the sick, the poor and the handicapped.
I am also dubious about the predominance of male gods, male prophets, male disciples and male clerics in most religions. However, this is not a problem with either my wife or myself because we both accept another wise saying: “Buddha is not in the pagoda. He is in your heart.”
Kumochan Bui, Vietnamese, Tokyo, Japan
From my childhood education, I have been familiar with “three subordinations” - to my father, to my husband and to my son - and the “four virtues” - which urge women to have ingenious home-making skills, appropriate appearance, proper language and good character.
Unlike the “four virtues”, which I think are still important to modern women, the Confucianist principle of “three subordinations” is out-of-date. No one should be subordinated to others. Women should be encouraged to be independent from men by acquiring a certain intellectual level, a well made-up appearance and a good job.
In the current Vietnamese society, a wise woman knows this, but still knows how to take a “backward step” in front of men so that she can protect herself. It may sound a little bit contrary but it helps keep the family happy. The important thing is that a woman can make a man understand what she chooses to do is different from what she is forced to do.
Domestic violence maybe a serious problem in Viet Nam, but it is often not considered a crime by society. Some believe a husband has the right to teach his wife, including using physical violence. Deep-rooted Confucian values are usually to blame.
Natalie Tolkacheva, Russian, HCM City
I’ve read about a case of domestic abuse in Vinh Phuc Province. And I was shocked looking at the photos of injuries on the woman’s body posted on web.
I don’t know how a man can do such terrible things to a woman, particularly his wife. I learned that he also tortured his wife by stripping her and forcing her to watch a video clip of him with his girlfriend. If that’s true, the husband is really sick and disgusting.
This story makes me think about a neighbouring couple whose apartment was next to mine in Vung Tau. Several times, I heard sounds of physical abuse and a woman crying. The woman kept everything to herself and, I assume, pretended to have a normal family life.
It seems that keeping silence about domestic violence is typical in Viet Nam. I think Vietnamese women should protect themselves by knowing that abusive behaviour was never part of God’s plan for marriage or a family. They should not bear any kind of abuse - emotional, mental, physical, or sexual. — VNS